I'll be back!

too tired and busy lately to update my blog lately...but i'll be back!!

i'm sick again....

My dear Vic, I know you will be reading this. I know you dont feel comfortable talking about what had been bothering and haunting you and hence, I have refrained myself from asking you. And another part of me is just so afraid to see you breaking down in front of me. Though I know I would wipe your tears, give you a big hug and tell you everything is gonna be fine. But yet, I know I would feel so damn hurt and I wont brush off the possibility that I might just drop my tears together with you. It just hurts my heart to see my close friend so down. Girl, I dont know what more can I do for you, all I can say is everything is gonna be fine, just open up your heart and embrace everything with two open arms. Alway remember, I am just eight numbers away. Just a ring and I will be there for you, be it a phone conversation, a drinking session or a heart-to-heart talking session.Be strong, girl. Look at me, I had stood strong and so must you! Loving you loads always. *hugs*

gota start off by thanking my DEAREST CLOSEST TO MY HEART MIC...hahaha!!that was wat u said to me too ya....yes..i will definitely read ur blog..really touched..thanks for respecting me and choosing not to probe & question me..no worries i'm doing fine...i juz need time..lots of it....feeling very insecure abt alot of things...probly uncertain...i honestly juz need time...i'll be strong!*smile* y cant ppl close to me be more understanding like u??no doubts in me...i dun have to say anything yet u know i how feel....

Do everything have to spelt out clear for the other party to truly know how u feel??somewhere in me i'm feeling sad & disappointed...ppl doubting my feelings,my trust and committment level,and thinking i'm taking somebody for granted....really sad to hear all these.Dun one listen with their heart anymore??shdnt we be following our heart??haiz.....honestly duno man!i'm lost again....yes...vic's lost...

i want my dose of alcohol.....badly!!!and fark i'm sick agian....stopid cough coming back...with its best friend....FLU.....

really tired...gota go sleep....and Mic...thanks!love u too!pls continue to give me that kinda support k?*smile*

Thanks ppl.....

work's crazy man!ya....back to the stressful days again.Mum will definitely nag in the near future.Used to complain & cry to her when i 1st started doing events 2 yrs back....but now i'm back to the grave i digged!haha!!love the jobscope and stuff..but the workload,amt of stress & responsiblities can really kill!brain not able to relax and rest...really crazy....but i like..wat to do?!haha

oh ya....regarding my last blog....i'm really fine ppl!steven,mic & mishi....thanks for ur msg and sms...really appreciate that ALOT!juz being a baby lah....doing fine really!and steven maybe u're rite...i do dwell when i'm alone..too bad that's me!but no worries..when i'm not alone i'll still be the chirpy & cheerful vic!*winkz*
juz 1 word to u guys...thanks!at least i know there are still ppl out there reading my blog & concern abt my life!:)

really very appreciative this week....during my 1st day of work,alot of ppl actually msg me to ask me how my 1st day of wk is....woww...*touched* that really made my day!it really did...even rachel who dun like to sms send me a sms too......i'm definitely the luckiest ger on earth!hahaha!!the love of my frds....what more can i expect?

alright....too tired to blog...brain cells all killed today as well........

y am i feeling like i do now??

i know i shd be the happiest ger on earth this week but good things juz never seem to last for me ever.No idea y either...juz never had.

i have the supposingly nicest and bestest guy ard me yet i juz can't make myself get out of my comfort zone.Flashbacks are haunting me...very badly...& everything juz comes back to me within a night.Yes....i cant believe that either.And now guilt is all i'm feeling.Trust me i dun even know where all these are coming from...dun ask me y coz i'm asking myself that now too....

Can't believe i actually broke down in front of him...vic vic...how much more drama can u get??i really did try to control but guess the journey home was simply too long...my tears cant help but stream down my cheeks.& it honestly didnt help when he held me in his arms & said everything will be alright.Him innocently not even knowing y i cry,more guilt flows within me....

like i mention in my previous blog...i'm scared...yes even till now when i'm surrounded by endless happiness.probly i always feel i dun deserve any happiness at all.i never knew i could get so vulnerable till now...crying while blogging....how much more drama mama can i get??

The last thing he said to me was that juz tell him when i'm ready to...Oh man...like how??where shd i even start?wat shd i even tell him when i myself's searching for the ans....i'm slow...ya maybe i am.or maybe i'm not?i duno!i never fail to express myself when it comes to writing...but face to face..i totally suck!that's juz me....he asked if i cry becoz i was happy or sad...the truth is...i duno again!i'm not saying that coz i'm avoiding or something...i really duno....

i already said i didnt wana start this relationship so soon rite!!vic vic look what u have done!i dunoo!!what am i suppose to do???its juz me...yes it is!the stopid vic who always think she knows everything abt LOVE but the fact is..i'm the dumbest ger ever!

is it becoz i'm truly falling for this man that's y i'm feeling so lost?is that also the reason y i'm scared of screwing everything up?afraid i might end up hurting him and myself?afraid i cant love him as much as he does in me?He keeps telling me that he cant promise me anything but he'll try.But am i even willing to try?i honestly duno.....i really dun....i'm gona hide in my shell again.Yes...what i always do when i'm lost...hide and not accept reality.I used to have frd that tell me i might have committment prob...is that really true?scared of the big C?I DUNOOOO!

i probly cant get to sleep tonight...its already 5.04am....this feeling sucks..it really does.Juz hope tmr will do me good...Life still goes on and i'll still be vic..smiling...but cant say the same abt how my heart really feel thou.

I believe i'll look back at this blog & laugh my head off for being so drama...but i'm juz blogging what i truly feels now..the drama mama emotional vic....i hate this vic but well.....

Pic of Jess's BIG Day!

Too much to write if i gota write abt wat happened during jess's wedding....shall let the pics do all the explaining.....4 words:Super Tired But Happy!*winkz*


Jess & her ANGELS!

Bride & HANDSOME boi..haha

Jimmy's BIG brothers..

i so love this pic!

At ROM..

Finally Husband & Wife

At Jess's Suite juz before the dinner

Me,Rach,Val & Rebbecca(jess's sis)

Happy Bride with her happy bridemaids

That's the REAL jess man!!

All the bridemaids..after dinner

NITEEEE!

jess's wedding finally over!really happy for her...sincerely wish her a blissful marriage.....suppose to upload the pics for her wedding but TOOOO tired to do so...i'm so blardy tired today...really am...to the extend that even sitting down's tiring!will do that in my next blog...

Manage to catch 'Hitch' today thou....cool & funny show!wat i got out of the show's "Be Yourself & You'll Be Loved".

Is it really that impt to fall in love?my heart's telling me yes but yet somewhere in me's telling me no...no idea y either man!i have been told & jolly well know that its the most fortunate thing to be loved.is it right to allow someone new into ur heart when u know that deep down someone is still there?i know i sound stupid..keep telling ppl to move on when i'm not even practising what i preach...i really tried but failed...if entering a new relationship & trying to get over the old is considered moving on..all i gota say is that i failed twice.At the end of the day i'm still where i was...not moving an inch....

I know i need time...lots of them but how long??i wish i know that too...i admit i'm a cynic...but that's me.Cynical abt lottts of things....probly i'm scared..of wat?no idea!!probly heartache's too much for me to bear and too afraid history would repeat itself & i'll end up where i was again.......i know we will never know if we dun try..but again,do i wana risk & try AGAIN?i really duno....maybe not now...i'm not pressured..that's not the word...stress is not either..probly juz plain scared.Scared of being loved..scared to love,scared to open up myself,scared to go thru everything again for the 3rd time,scared of heartaches,scared of regrets & guilt,scared of losing a frd........vic vic....what's happening???no idea..i'm so lost..hate this feeling but well its all part of life.

Mic know u'll be reading this...no worries lah i'm fine!juz talking crap...dun have to sms me to ask me what happen k?hahaha!!probly too tired as well...i really am!!woke up so blardy early ytd(4.30am mind u!)..slept so late...woke up at 9am today..and still not asleep now..ARGGHHHH!!!!i want my 24hr of sleep back!!!!!!*cry*

MIC GER!!!

mic....mic.....mic....mic....mic!!!!!

i'm missing u...miss u so so much...!!hahaha!!i'm no les lah!now that i'm 98% recovered!!!DRINKING SESSION SHALL OFFICIALLY RESUME NEXT WEEK!!!!!yes u heard me rite.....

i've been out of action for so long!1 mth of non-alcholic day's TERRIBLE!i'm dying!!i want my weekly dose of shots...vodka lime!all nite dancing at zouk!

Thinking of it juz makes me SMILE man!!!seriously i want my alchohol NOW!yes..even if its sucky beer!!ICE COLD BEER!!!

Romeo & Juliet:::ACT 1 SCENE 5

Definitely one of my fave scene...and that's THE way to flirt man...*smile*

Romeo & Juliet (ACT 1 SCENE 5)

Romeo: If I profane with my unworthiest hand.This holy shrine,the gentle fine is this:My lips, two blushing pilgrims, ready stand.To smooth that rough touch with a tender kiss.

Juliet: Good pilgrim, you do wrong your hand too much,Which mannerly devotion shows in this;For saints have hands that pilgrims' hands do touch,And palm to palm is holy palmers' kiss.

Romeo: Have not saints lips, and holy palmers too?

Juliet: Ay, pilgrim, lips that they must use in prayer.

Romeo: O, then, dear saint, let lips do what hands do;They pray -- grant thou, lest faith turn to despair.

Juliet: Saints do not move, though grant for prayers' sake.

Romeo: Then move not, while my prayer's effect I take.Thus from my lips, by yours,my sin is purged.

Juliet: Then have my lips the sin that they have took.

Romeo: Sin from thy lips? O trespass sweetly urged!Give me my sin again.

Juliet: You kiss by the book.