Juz back from drinking with val...suppose to feel good but somehow somewhere within me i'm feeling so sad...so sad that i dun even feel like sleeping...how i hate this feeling....really sleepy yet can't sleep.
Feeling so insecure abt everything ard me,with myself.Lost all the trust that i thought i've built over the last mth or so...gone in the wind!Another lesson learnt:never bear hopes in anything,yes..anything!The higher the hopes....the more disappointment one will get!Ever had the feeling of looking into someone's eyes and feel that everything's so wrong?A pair of eyes looking at u so deeply yet u still feel insecure...you juz cant't seem to figure wat's going in his mind..that's exactly how i'm feeling now......
Over the last mth or so i've honestly tried my very best to open up,to come out of Vic's world,learning how to trust..how to love again,be the me that i always wanted to be,how to share as a couple,voice out when i'm not happy and not avoiding when a problem arise.But apparently i'm wrong..so wrong!i should never have trusted so soon,fall so soon,come out of my world so soon & be so vulnerable.I never should have left my comfort zone to an area i'm so not used to,a world that seems so cold and so distant.Vic Vic....when will u ever learn ur lesson?!!?DAMN ME!
It may be a little pwuny effort but i really am putting in my best each day...probly not my very best but after all the hurt i've been put thru over the yrs...its seriously my very best....in my context at least.....
i know i'm being the emotional baby once again but i juz need to get this off tonight else i know i'll wash my face with tears tonight.....which i already am now....
My 21st bday wish 2 yrs back was to be truly happy for the next few 21 yrs of my life and i'm wking towards that every single day of my life....even till now i still pray for miracle.When i attend Novena..i ask for nothing but Peace and Happiness...every night when i pray i ask the Lord for His Grace of Peace and Happiness.....
How on earth can one be feeling so happy and loved juz 36hrs ago but yet now feeling so shitty...
Guardian Angel.....where r u when i need u the most???
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